Greetings everyone, and welcome to Around The Horn With.uh.Ethan! With the entertainment provided by Longhornguy with this column last season, it would have been a shame to see the MPL's only official "off topic" write-up fade to black so quickly. This season, Longhornguy will be an active member of the MPL community but will not be participating in league play. Under the belief that his article would be better executed by someone competing in league play, Longhornguy put Around The Horn on the proverbial waiver wire and, with his consent, I anxiously snatched it up. Thank you Longhornguy for the entertainment last season. To all of his fans: Rest assured, when Longhornguy is ready to compete once again, his column will be ready and waiting for him to pick up right where he left off. Having said all of that, allow me to explain to you the format of the column this season. Around The Horn will be a weekly feature to be released every Friday with focus on varying areas of interest, namely sports, entertainment, MPL, and a random thought from Ethan. All of the information will be pulled from events that happened throughout that week. The intent here is to get my opinions out there, develop my work as a collegiate journalist, provide some informative insight, and *hopefully* entertain. Thanks for giving this revamped feature a chance, and I hope you enjoy it! Sports The WNBA Finals are heading to a series clinching game five Saturday at 3:30 in the afternoon. No, this is no joke, that's really what I'm writing about. Did anyone know that the WNBA season is one game away from reaching its end? Heck, did anyone know the WNBA season was currently in progress? For those who were aware, is there anyone out there who cares? The Detroit Shock and the Sacramento Monarchs are battling it out for the right to be called "champions." The Connecticut Sun and the Los Angeles Sparks were heavy favorites to face each other in the WNBA finals, but were ousted by the Shock and Monarchs respectively. With these surprising upsets in each of the conference finals, the defending champion Monarchs became heavy favorites to repeat, but wait! Leading the series 2-1 in a best of five and heading into Arco Arena where the Sparks had won 11 straight games, many assumed the series to be over. It was not to be, however, as the Shock won the game 72-52, sending the series to a "dramatic" game five finish. Again, does anybody care? Perhaps it is a pessimistic outlook, but it seems to me that interest is feigned from all angles. The announcers lack enthusiasm and sportswriters struggle to draw interest from the common man. The main article on the WNBA section of ESPN.com, written by Mechelle Voepel, uses a reference to the hit 70s sitcom "Mary Tyler Moore" as a crutch for the column itself. That alone speaks volumes. As Ms. Voepel cited, "Actually, as Rhoda once put it, 'Mary . your parties are disasters. I thought you knew. How could you not know?'" Voepel, of course, was referring to the Monarchs "party," having failed to close the series in game four on Wednesday night, but the analogy does not end there. The WNBA, conceived five years ago, continues to lose money. Ticket sales are down, television ratings are down, and generally speaking, interest remains flat. Granted, the WNBA is without question the most successful new league to enter into the sports industry, but how much does that mean when going up against Vince McMahon's vaunted XFL? The league is truly facing an uphill battle, with its games airing on weekend afternoons, over the summer at that, while most individuals are enjoying their weekend away from work. Then, of course, there is the unavoidable issue of getting sports fans interested in a female sports league, which could be a larger problem than any politically correct individual would like to admit. The glass ceiling for women in corporate America is slowly cracking, and soon enough will shatter. To the female gender: I would be grateful. I've been on the receiving end of a disgruntled cop administering an unjustly inflated speeding ticket and it is nothing to scoff at. As many of my female associates have pointed out to me (much to my chagrin), there is an undisputable advantage there for the estrogen-emitting gender. However, as far as sports are concerned, men have a stranglehold. For now, there is nothing left to do for the WNBA but to continue to thrive in complacency as "anticipa! tion" mounts for the decisive game five of its league finals. Entertainment "Awwww croikey..at's a good gurl. Look at those chompers.prahtecting her babies like a good mutha should...." As many know by now, Steve Irwin of "Crocodile Hunter" fame was killed this past week after being stabbed through the heart by a stingray's barb. Is it humorous that a man who wrestled crocodiles for a living met his end at the hands (or barb, as it were) of a generally placid creature? Many have found humor in Irwin's death and, to be abruptly honest, it disgusts me. There is humor to be found in almost everything life has to offer, but this is not an entertaining situation in the least. This man was renowned for being, if nothing else, a charismatic and entertaining Australian individual. What reason then is there for the outcries of "He had it coming" and "It serves him right" that have been ringing out since his death was announced earlier this week? In a word: Ignorance. I have found that many who watch highlights of Irwin's show or check in on it every now and then just in order to see "that crazy Aussie teasing some crocs" assume that it was animal instigation with incentive being the almighty dollar. Rest assured, there was much more to it than that. Irwin didn't go WWE on all of those crocodiles for kicks and giggles. In some instances it was to capture them and relocate them to a safer environment or heal any ailments. In other instances, it was to gain educational value that viewers of all ages could appreciate. Steve Irwin was more than just the host of a wildly successful television show. He also owned and operated the Australia Zoo in Beerwah, Queensland. He also gained tremendous accolades when he won the Centenary Medal, given out to those who have made a significant contribution to Australian society, for his service to global conservation and Australian tourism. Perhaps even more importantly, he was a husband and a father of two young children. Before closing this piece on Mr. Irwin, it must be mentioned that contrary to popular speculation, his death was brought upon not by his rough handling of the animals he films, but by his comfort level with the animals he's grown to love. Foolish? Perhaps, but it seems as though Steve Irwin had become far too comfortable around animals that have the potential to cause serious harm. According to John Stainton, Irwin's friend and manager, the stingray attack was entirely unprovoked. "He just swum over the top of the ray and the barb came up and hit him," he said. Godspeed, Crocodile Hunter. Here's something that bothers me about the MPL: The Atlantic West Division. After the draft, many throughout the league were chalking it up as one of, if not the toughest divisions in the league, with Ducati, Sully, and Shady in the same division. I have a few problems with this. First, it appears as though everyone is ruling out OldnSloFly. Hey, it's no secret that he hasn't garnered much success so far in his tenure here in the MPL, but guess what? He loves to play the game. What's more, as I hear, he'd been getting better as the season progressed last year, and this year he's got one of the best teams in the game. In a division where two of the other teams (read: Teams, not coaches) are essentially bottom feeders, it's not outrageous to suggest that the man could make some noise this season. Second, I say this with relative certainty: This division is NOT going to go down to the wire. I've got tremendous respect for Sully and the way he's stuck by his team through thick and thin with some marginal success. I've got tremendous respect for Shady and the way he played the underdog role and made an appearance in the MPL Bowl last season. The loving stops there. This is Ducati's division to lose. Sully is equipped with the best 49ers team he's ever had in the MPL. He runs the 3-4 defense better than anyone I've ever seen. He makes Alex Smith look like a REAL NFL quarterback. Not bad at all. However, as I recall, when Sully made his strides in the past few seasons he did not have to go through any of the top-notch competition necessary to win a championship. He'll get that twice a season now with Ducati. Shady is a relative unknown to me, but I do know this: He failed to make the playoffs with the Raiders, and made the playoffs last season by the skin of his teeth with one of (if not the) best teams in the game. As I said before, it is a tremendous accomplishment to make it to the MPL Bowl and, to point that judgmental pendulum back at myself, that's something that I have yet to do. However, if Shady couldn't beat Ducati with the Patriots, how is he going to do it with a team that's worse off in nearly all areas? Of course, it would be foolish and biased not to acknowledge the fact that Ducati doesn't exactly have the Broncos this year. The Broncos are one of the best teams in the game, but really, the Rams aren't as pitiful as their draft slot would indicate. Ducati has an absolutely nasty schedule this season, both in and out of the division, going up against top ballers like RuntheRock, Wade, and Rashad. He will have to have tremendous execution week in and week out, especially in that big week 9 match up, but that's something we've grown accustomed to seeing from the two time champ. The Rams could very well go undefeated this season. This is Ducati's division to lose. And, in other MPL news (in case you haven't heard), it is extremely difficult for Pacman to play Madden on PS2. I repeat, is extremely difficult for Pacman to play Madden on PS2. Xbox360, Xbox360, graphics graphics. That is all on the MPL front. Random Thought You know what really irks me? Anticipation that leads to nothing but extreme disappointment. I'm putting myself through college right now, and therefore am living on somewhat of a budget. Those of you who are there with me (Prez, LilDave I'm talking to you) and those of you who are feeding the mouths of future Madden ballers know that this means a whole lot of low-budget entrees or, in my case, cereal and Easy Mac. This past week I came upon a variation of one of my favorite cereals: Lucky Charms. I, in fact, found Chocolate Lucky Charms. Can you believe that? Chocolate Lucky Charms. Needless to say, I picked them up, went home, poured myself a bowl and dug in. I'm certain the look of disappointment on my face could have easily been sold for a couple of bucks (which in turn could then be used to buy the far superior, original Lucky Charms). This cereal was nothing more than Count Chocula cleverly disguised as Lucky trying new, deceptive ways to sell his ghoulish concoction. Indeed, that bowl of cereal was anything but "magically delicious."